Category Archives: Blog

28 Leeches, kids, and other parasites

What’s the difference between parasites and adult children living at home?

Well, sometimes none that I can see.

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There are times when and episode is begging me to be recorded, then screaming at me to not be heard.
This is one of those.

There’s too much truth here, and I’m throwing people under the bus. That is not like me. so it was hard to decide. In the end I did a few small revisions and added both my reservations and my stubborn need to say what I need to say. the truth, but only part of it, with a few mean jokes along the way. Those were Imp’s idea though. Honest! 😀

Kids moving back home indefinitely or simply never bothering to grow up to move out in the first place. That is what I’m talking about here. don’t get me wrong; helping out ones children is a good thing. It’s natural, it’s the right thing to do. It’s when the power dynamic shifts and the “temporary” becomes “indefinitely” and unreasonable becomes normal and the trap has closed that is the real issue. It’s far too common and creates so many problems. It’s easy to immediately use the word “millennial” — The entitled generation. I say it’s easy but I don’t necessarily agree with it. Generalizing is always dangerous and I try hard not to do that. But the sad truth is that it’s the horrible examples that gets showcased. It’s not fair because I know it’s still a small fraction of children in their twenties and early thirties who appear to be just like described; entitled freeloading young adults thinking the world owes them something, kids taking no responsibility for their own behaviour, individuals who tend to use guilt to blame their parents into giving them what they want so they don’t have to work for it.

It’s not all children. and to be fair, not all parents are saints. Too many kids lack support of any kind from their parents. Sometimes shit happens to kids and it has nothing to do with their parents. But I’m not talking about any of that today. It’s a completely different episode, with another personal story. I can only handle so much honesty in one go. 😀

So that is that. disclaimers and reservations complete. and it is funny. If you feel targeted and offended on behalf of yourself or someone you know, keep in mind that this is my truth. And it was all Imp’s idea anyways.

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JennyK and Imp – cleaning up other people’s crap since 2010.

Production and sound design: Jenny K Brennan.
Promo bit: Bill Babcock.
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If I were a building

If I were a building.

I would have cubby holes and symmetry. Flexibility and safety. I would be space age and dreamscape, order and safety. I would have a name.
My foundation would hold steady in any storm within or without. But come the will and need I would move.
Based on all the souls that made me, my boundaries would be no more and no less than the sum of you.
Saving space to give it room.
I would hold safe and offer myself as toolshed and canvas for those within my body.
Were you to paint a mural on my wall, I would attractor you a muse and mentor.
I would have order within reason. I would demand respect as I give it.
I would be dignified but offer my spaces for laughter and lovemaking.
Where I catch the sun, where I protect from wind, where I offer hiding places, it all makes sense.
I would have a spirit but no designated place to speak to me. I would constantly listen and accommodate wishes in all the ways I am capable.
I would be strong and beautiful. I would be dignified and pure. I would be your safe haven and your communication device.

If I were a building I would be your home. And yours. And yours. And all your homes would be your perfect home as my body and spirit wants to hold only those who understand to respect their spaces with love and creativity. Do with me what you wish and if your wish is for a place to be really you, I will let you and I will keep you for as long as you desire. Your dream home; for a time or for a life, for your children to be offered that same choice.
If I were a building. I would be your dream home. And yours. And yours.

Jenny Brennan
January 11 2017

Focus, Girl, focus! How do you do it? Just a rant and and ask.

JennyK on her nice new Mac, but what good is it when it's not used for something? :)

Focus! Get at it. Rant time for JennyK — Again. 🙂

Feeling scattered, unfocused, restless. So much I want to do. But what? Which of the many things I want to do should I direct my attention to? O, what a first world problem. 🙂 But still, it’s something that unfortunately becomes bigger the more I ponder it. One day becomes a week becomes a month becomes the seed of uncertainty. Writers block? — Maybe. But honestly, it it was only about sitting down to write because I’m not writing, I could simply sit down and write. But I find it hard to sit down and write when the constant critic in the back of my mind reminds me that I should record those vocals and transcribe those lyrics, world-building for Mother of Crow. And do some social media promotion, update the twitterverse, format my old computer for someone else to take it over, push to find someone to review my book, write an interesting blog on the website, some fantastic reward on patreon, add something on reverbnation, upload a track on soundcloud, do the laundry, organize my backup cds, scan my mail for OCR, call my mother, get the…. —– Whoah there, Fool. This is getting more than ridiculous.. and I didn’t even mention exercising, , writing a 100K word novel, feed the dog, making an appointment with the dentist, deal with paperwork I would rather burn…. and cut my toenails. —- Oh, and podcasting, don’t forget the people who actually do know I’m around and who do hear me, my music, my band and our music, subscribe to my blogs, and perhaps also enjoy my fiction and other rants.

Oh, and I really should be social and call the few friends I do have, make an effort to “get out there” and be interested in the rest of the world.

Well. Should, could, would. Aint gonna unless I — focus?

Here is that point… The point I often reach when I drag it out in the open to look at it and realize how ridiculous it really is.

It’s the point where I balance on the slippery borderline between inspiration and desperation.

I can choose to look at that list and get overwhelmed by it. I can be sad for the people I feel I’m disappointing and despair over the inevitable giving up on me. And I can add to that list this: I need to get better and work harder.

😀 (And we all know how well such a pledge works. It doesn’t!)

Or….

I can take a look at that list and break it into pieces, see them as parts of the whole and realize that at this moment, this second, just now; I can’t deal with all of that no matter how much I try. If I look at those things one at a time I will notice that none of them are a big deal. If I see them separately, they are all good things.

Oh, maybe not the dentist thing.

But seriously; It’s all good.

With focus. Hmm. Back at the beginning. I feel a pattern appearing as I type this. Seeing and dealing with one thing at a time does take some type of focus. And that is where I get lost.

So I ask you, listener, reader, friend;

How do you focus? . What are your tips and tricks to manage all the things when they start to overwhelm you? Do you procrastinate to the point of anxiety and panic? Do you schedule your days and stick to it?

I know I’ve been rambling like a neurotic nut in this post, but I am genuinely curious. Leave a comment and share your thoughts. I didn’t manage to make things much clearer in this rant so I need to sit on this for a while as I’m sure the amazing “back of my mind” is working on it. As long as I let it do that without fretting more just now and then maybe. So that’s what I’ll do. I’ll leave it to you – and my poor subconscious for a little while.

Let me know what you think 🙂 Because I could really use your help. Certainly some other perspective and maybe even the classic kick in the ass. 😀

Jen

November kicks off Mother of Crow — This Sundered World Volume II

So November is here again.

It’s dark and it’s cold. Perfect climate for the introverted artist with a story on her mind.

Even better when there is a crazy story in need of telling. “Mother of Crow” picks up where the first book in the series left off; In the sundered world among death and confusion. So what more do I need?

Oh, coffee of course. Some peace and quiet perhaps. The occasional bit of nutrition in the form of parts of dead animal, bits of brutally mutilated vegetables, and crushed and burnt grain of some sort…. Oh, that’s right, it’s called food.

And after all of that ready, I also need a kick in the arse — also called motivational violence. That motivation can come from many different sources but I find that a community of other introvert artist types going on a month of coffee and poor diet can sometimes be the ticket.
Introducing NaNoWriMo. (National Novel Writing Month) where us lunatics decide to write and little else for the entire month. The NaNoWriMo website comes with every motivational and wordcounting tool you could imagine. Forums, blogs, fellow professional as well as new writers struggling, and all the social connections possible. How could you fail?

Oh, it’s not that hard. But the satisfaction a winner trophy can give after that brutal month is sweet. To become a winner, a certain word count must be reached. (The definition of “novel” is a work of 50 000 words or more.).

So that is where I stand; entering Nano with “Mother of Crow”.

Check out a short synopsis and an excerpt at the novel page here:
Mother of Crow NaNoWriMo page.
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Note: This author has published this post using an external blogging app. As this is the first time using the app and no testing has been done ahead of time, there may be errors and complete fuck ups in this blog. Sorry bout that. Guess I’ll drop in to the site for corrections later. But for now, I will simply push the publish button and hope for the best. Dare to publish cold, prepare to blame someone else after.
Thanks

Jenny

JennyK and Icarus Machine now on Patreon.com. How to support the band. Become a Patron !

Fan funding at its best Patreon connecting fans and the artists they want to support

Icarus Machine looking for supporters. Our fans are what makes us happy. But fans can also help us continue creating. And here is how.

Become a patron!

From our patreon page:

“Icarus Machine is creating Prog-Metal Music and Steampunk Fiction. It’s all story.

After nearly a year of writing and producing our music from our different parts of the world, from Spain, to Canada and the United States, we have released our first album, “This Sundered World”. The first book in the steampunk inspired fiction series of books with the same name has been released simultaneously. Our goal is to continue creating music and tell stories. In This Sundered World there will always be something to tell, whether it is in a fast metal tune about a clockwork guardian with ill intent, a prog-rock dive into insanity or a chapter about Gabriel looking for the end of the world. This is what we love to do and any support will make it easier for us to express the vision we have.”

Check out the rewards. Some cool stuff there. 😀
And it’s easy. Become a subscriber for as little as $2 per month and get your reward
• The album “This Sundered World” 
• The companion novel “This Sundered World” Kindle edition. 
• Your name on our Wall of Guardian Survivors.

Become a patron!

Other ways to support the band are to:
Buy “This Sundered World A Mother’s Heart” by Jenny K Brennan – for Kindle here.

Buy yourself some really cool merch here, or

buy the prog-Metal album “This Sundered World” by Icarus Machine” on iTunes.

Whichever way you choose is okay with us. And money is not everything. Tell your friends, tweet, just listen to what we do, or simply connect with us on
Facebook..

Thank you!
Bill, Jordi, and Jenny. We thank you from USA, Spain, and Canada.

Icarus Machine
Sundered Records 2016

The validity of virtual – A band member perspective

This virtual band – Is it real?”

What does it mean to be an exclusively online band?

There are probably as many answers to that as there are online bands currently online. 😀 But as always, I have my own take on it and and it is slightly troubled.

It is a normal thing these days – collaborations between individuals that do not, and may never, meet in real life. It’s getting easier and easier to pull it off. There are problems with it but in my case, the advantages are overwhelming. Without places like Kompoz.com I would not be on the path that I am. A member of a great band with a serious album release coming up.

But is it as valuable and “real” as a “normal” arrangement where things happen within a studio space, a garage, a basement, or at a gig in the local bar?

Well. Of course it is.

I say that with confidence because I know it is true. But do I say it with true feeling and belief?

I don’t know. And that bothers me.

Or maybe it bothers me more that I would love to jam in the studio with those I create music with and that is something that ain’t gonna happen anytime soon. 🙂

But back to the point; The validity of online bands.

When this phenomena started to appear, they were commonly called “Virtual” bands. And that has done quite a bit of harm in my perspective. The word “Virtual” means “Not real”. And if you don’t think words have power, then think again. Using those words in a sentence becomes a big hole that is hard to climb out of. Let’s just take this short conversation and see what is really going on:

What is said:
“Hey pal, I just joined a virtual band, I’m the guitar player. is that cool or what?”
What Pal is hearing:
“Hey Pal, I just joined a pretend band, where I pretend to be a rock star on the internet, where nothing is real, Is that cool or what?”

What Pal says:
“Yeah? Sounds like fun.”
What Pal is thinking:
“Yeah? You chatting on skype about guitar hero, hoping to get a record deal? Good luck with that!”

Yeah, I know. That sounds really bad. An maybe it’s not quite like that anymore. But moving away from the word “Virtual” hasn’t quite repaired the damage done. At least not for me.

But isn’t the issue more about my personal experience of always believing that music is a “hobby”? -hobby, another word that I wish I could delete from my vocabulary. Another powerful word that in my mind means; “Something that doesn’t matter.”

Yes. I think so. I believe my view is skewed toward the negative. So back to why I am so troubled and what I can do about it.

The trouble is a lack of confidence. This has no quick fix. But it is growing, and here’s how:

By doing what I love and worrying less about what other people think. slowly learning that what I do is okay. And that it has value. Slowly, but surely, I’m learning to say “This is my band, we are the bomb! Come check this!” With true feeling and belief. 😀

By not using that word at all. Instead of saying “Online band”, just say “band” Who would know the difference? Is there really a need to point out that we don’t tour, we don’t gig, and we’ve never met? Really? Because if I really probe at how I feel when I say I’m in an online band” vs “I’m in a band.” Now, I choose the latter.

By abolishing the word “hobby” in the studio. In all seriousness; Working ten hours a day without pay is work. And just because it is work I created myself because I love it, does that make it a hobby? Hell no. But isn’t that the crux of the matter? The definition of work Is “I do this, you give me money.” The work we do is different and the rewards are different. But that doesn’t make them less.

By moving forward.
The truth is that any band, online or not, actually doesn’t have a product to show until the work is done. Rare are the magical appearances of record company representatives offering a generous advance, promising fame and fortune. No. We do the work first, then we let it out, let it live, and hope for the best. And it’s still not free, still no paycheck. And that has to be fine.

And the simple truth is that it is! It has to be fine because the bottom line is: I do what i am, and I am what I do. And at the end of this page, after calling it out in the open, the word “virtual” has somehow lost part of its power. I still can’t say the word “hobby” without cringing, but I am like all the creations I’ve imagined and sometimes brought to life. A constant work in progress.

JennyK. From the Dungeon of curiosities and psychiatry – third padded cell on the left.